Forgiveness – The KEY to YOUR WEll Being ~

I wrote a blog post recently on forgiveness and had a friend come to me and implore that I go into more detail and how to really walk out forgiveness and what that looks like. She said to me “You live it so naturally that you don’t even have to think about it. Some of us need more instruction on how to really forgive.” I was a little surprised and asked her how she knew that about me. Her answer contained so much wisdom. She responded “Because you have so many close people in your life and people are just messy. And yet you walk in a joy and love that I know only comes from living in a constant state of forgiving.” Wow…..she was right!

So, let’s talk about this a little, shall we?

I have often shared the quote “To not forgive another person is like taking poison (yourself) and thinking it will kill your offender.”

To forgive does not mean to forget.

Do you think Jesus could have forgotten the Cross? That was the greatest act of forgiveness known to man.

Inherent in forgiveness, are also lessons learned. It is ok if we choose (wisely) not to trust a certain individual again or limit that person’s presence in your life. But when we forgive, we let go of the offense. We let go of the hurt and the pain and the “YUCK” associated with that person or situation.

Someone asked me last week, “how do you know if you have really forgiven someone?” And I asked “Really forgiven?  Your blood pressure doesn’t rise when you think of them or see them.” Your heart doesn’t beat faster and you do not get a PIT in your stomach. That is when you know that you have quit giving yourself the poison.

Truth is – I learned a long time ago that I would rather live free and at peace with everyone – myself, my God and everyone else in my life – than be tormented. Because ……..I LIKE TO BE HAPPY. It is a gift I give to myself. I do whatever it takes, every hour of my life, to feel good deep down to my core.


Unforgiveness and judgements – toward myself or another – are the fastest and most effective way to torment myself and feel all muddy inside.


And forgiveness does not mean internalizing things so deeply you simply ignore it or refuse to think about it. IF it is someone close to your daily existence, I highly recommend talking things through with that person. Even if you need to write a letter to get all your thoughts down on paper. It is always worth hashing thru to be at peace with the people in your life. But then you must allow the person the chance to respond. I most often discover, that person has a point of view shockingly different than mine and it is valid. Some humility makes this entire process far easier.  LISTEN. AND BE TEACHABLE.


But if the person is “beyond” talking to, for any reason, than you process this out 100 % with the Lord Himself. Crying is one of the most beautiful healing tools that Father God gave to us. I am not promoting making or forcing yourself to cry. But when you have the urge……please……CRY.

For as you let the tears flow, they literally wash away pain and hurt and help you to relinquish all that you are trying so bitterly to hold onto. They also cleanse that toxin from your body that is most responsible for every sickness known to man, especially cancer. AS you cry and release all that pain, then the Father is able to come in and comfort and heal and help you in a supernatural way to love and forgive, like only HE can. Crying empties you of all the negative, while preparing the vessel to make a place for God. Then please call out to Him to come and meet you and replace the hurt and pain and all that muck with Himself. I promise He will do it, if you simply give Him permission and ask Him.


And if you can not cry, then either tell or write every single thing you want to say and every point that you have to Father God. Then be still and turn your heart toward Him and ask Him, give Him your permission, to come in and replace the hurt with forgiveness and to give you His perspective. He tells us “To be still and KNOW that I am God.” This is when you need to be still and KNOW your God. AFter I dump the contents of my heart and thoughts and feelings to Him, very honestly I might add, I always be still and look to Him and expect Him to meet me and change me and tweak me and make the differences in me that only HE can make. And He is sooo good at making, if I will allow Him to.

I have come to believe that most people are really doing the best they can do at any given time, considering all their circumstances. People, and all their choices, habits, and mindsets come about because of all they have been through. (Remember this particularly about your own parents. And how they were brought up by their parents. )  

Everyone needs mercy. Grace. And compassion. You think about the things you wish people would give you more Grace about. Have you ever thought  “if they just knew about something or another.”

You probably know more about yourself and understand the reasons that you do the things you do and respond/react to things like you do, than anyone else knows about you.

If you simply sought to administer the same Grace and Mercy you always wish others showed to you, you would be much closer to a real life of walking in forgiveness and peace.


John 20:23 tells us that “Whatsoever sins we forgive are forgiven and what ever we retain, WE retain.” Whatever you do not forgive, you take on that “spirit”. We had a friend whose daddy was murdered by his business partner. This man could not forgive the murderer, but became consumed with murdering him for years. He became such a vivid murderer in his own heart. He lived daily with the torment of wanting revenge and to murder the murderer. That spirit of murder stole all that was good from him for many years. When he finally stood at gunpoint, with his gun at the man’s head, God spoke to him and released everything within him and he dropped the gun and bawled. He was finally set free. He forgave the man and became free of that spirit of murder.

When we forgive, WE become clean. We are set free. It has nothing to do with what the other person deserves, or asks for.

I used to be a counselor in a world renowned cancer center. I would spend 10 hours in one week, with one person, in intensive counseling. (I even had the wife of the president of the World Health Organization come in from Rome for this treatment.) What I learned was Almost every single cancer case was rooted in horribly valid and seemingly unforgivable offenses that had rotted the core of this person and had become the biggest thing they fed upon in their souls. Or occassionally it is something smaller, that the person just can not forgive.


To not forgive not only robs you of all peace, it it the biggest detriment to health. I will even go so far as saying – a heart that continually forgives and seeks peace benefits your health and is more important than even what you eat. To maintain your own heart attitudes and be at peace literally feeds your cells LIFE AND VITALITY.

Science has discovered that everything has frequencies. And the frequency of Love literally heals your DNA. While the opposites destroy.


Give yourself the greatest gift you can give yourself – Choose to be someone who always chooses to forgive. Always walk it through authentically, because your body will not be fooled. Somethings are much harder and take more time to forgive. 





1 Comment

  1. Cindy said,

    September 26, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I loved every word and I am going to print this and keep it with me. I will share it with my children. Looking forward to enjoying more of your blog!

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