Parent Talk – talking to your boys about porn

In my home, I use everything that comes around as object lessons to teach my children life principles.  A few weeks ago, a really minor incident happened that made me realize it was a good time to talk to my younger boys about porn and why to avoid it.

So, with the hopes that you may be able to use this little insight also, I will share it with you.  But because this is such a prevalent and consuming “evil” of our society, if you have any stories, suggestions or input into this hot topic, please do share it with the rest of us.

We all need all the help we can get on this subject matter.

So…it was one of our “breakfast table talks”.  My 3 little guys were sitting in front of me and both little girls had disappeared for the moment.  These  boys are 11, 9, and 8.

I told them that I  needed to talk to them about something very important.  I told them to close their eyes and think about the wonderful minds that each one of them have.  Then I told them to consider the depths of their own souls and all the beauty and richness of that part of who they are.

And now…consider all the uniqueness of yourselves and your gifts, talents and abilities and all the special ways that God made you.  What a special package you are!  I said to them, you know that don’t you?

And now they are all shaking their heads, smiling and understanding what I am saying.  Now, how would you feel if some girl was only interested in you for your penis?

Eyes jerk open, laughter, smirks and “what???”  I explain,” that is what happens when you look at a girl who is under dressed and you give her value, only according to her body parts.”

That body really is the icing on the cake and it is everything else within her that matters most.  And actually – no one is suppose to enjoy that icing but her husband – certainly not you.

Any woman’s body – besides the wife God gives you – is not even your business.  And you should always be men that communicate to women, by the ways you treat them, that you know and understand that they are worth far more than their body parts.

Pictures of women under dressed  do not capture their value, but cheapen them and reduces their value to only their body parts.  And you “men” do not ever want anything to do with that kind of thinking, anymore than you want a woman to simply want you for you penis.

Now do you?

I think they got it.

A word from my son Samuel (19) – (he tried to post this himself and was unable to for some reason)

“A few years ago, a close family friend of ours, sat us older Fowler boys down to have a talk about porn, and the detrimental effects it has on relationships and how we perceive the opposite sex.  Her talk had such an impact on me, that I thought I should share it here in hopes of helping others.  She told us that in allowing your mind to take in that content is only cheating yourself.  It develops a fantasy woman that you will always unsucceessfully struggle to find, and never be satisfied with your own wife even – because you will always compare her to that demoralizing demographic.  And that no woman can ever compete with so many images of  “perfection”.  No matter how perfect any one woman is, she will never satisfy the man who has looked on many different images and wants them all in his one wife.  It degrades woman to be such considered such an object.  Instead of appreciating them for the beautiful individuals that the Lord created them to be, inside and out.

Thankyou Samuel!  And to read more about Sam you may scroll down a bit on the blog and there is a post about him.


The Bag Lady’s Guide

This is one of the best books I have read in along time, and I read alot of books.  Most of us spend our lifetime trying to learn to “Trust” and what it really means to “walk by faith”.

This book gives such new insight on what that looks like.  It is a delightful and easy to read story about a wise older woman who imparts some of the deepest tangible truths to a younger woman struggling intensely in her journey of life.
This book is changing my thought processes at the very core.  In those unbridled thoughts that faith has not completely taken hold of yet, those loose ones that run away with me sometimes, the truths in this book arrest me and help me line up my heart and thoughts again with the heart of God.

Most profound, refreshing and life-changing!

I have become dear friends with the author, since reading the book, and she is a beautiful soul – that lights up her world.

To order the book directly from the publisher click on the link below.

If you would like to read a sample of the book download the PDF at the link below.

The Bag Lady's Guide Cover

Rwanda update

Many of you have asked me for a Rwanda update, so I would like to share with you the latest.  This involves my husband’s heart, so allow me to give you a little background first.

Remember Sarah, Abraham’s wife, and how she felt like God needed help bringing about His promise to them?  Thus we got Ishmael and the entire Arab race.  Most often, when God gives His people a vision, dream, or direction about their future, there is the universal tendency for us to run with it and make it happen right now.  We want our dreams now and don’t want to wait on the Father or His timing to make it become reality.

Consequently, we either crash and burn or build our own empires, wounding people along the way.  To build or create it on our own strength, we become even more narcissistic and demand loyalty to our vision or quest from all others.  Then the result is not the “Kingdom” plan the Father had in mind, but our own compromised and botched efforts.  This is something David has always been repulsed by in respect to ministry and church leaders.  David sees in the business marketplace that the ebb and flow of free markets cleans up the “Napoleon” leadership, but in ministry it gets more inbred over time and generations.

In the last month, David admitted something to me that is so huge, you can be shocked along with me.  He told me he has had over a dozen prophesies in his lifetime about his destiny in relationship to the continent of Africa and the impact he would have there with a renewing and refreshing message that would transform the people there into true freedom and relationship with Father God.  He calls it the “redemption” or the “finished work of Jesus Christ message”!

He had not told me before, because he said he knew that I didn’t need any fuel added to my fire – and if he told me I would always struggle to not get ahead of God.  If it is truly God’s plan, we will let God do it His way when He wants.  I know, this is hard to swallow, even harder to live with sometimes, but he is so strong in this conviction.

He finally felt we are close enough to going, that he could tell me this huge thing he has secretly held in his heart for many years.  And that he could trust me with it because I have safely learned now to wait on God.  This means significant growth for me that he now felt he could tell me and he could trust me with the timing of what he has waited upon the Father to make happen.

What triggered this release is the significant way in which this Rwandan pastor addressed one of his former members that now lives in Tulsa, while he is attending bible school.  The man living here in Tulsa first came to our home in late June.

The pastor told this man one day you will meet these people that really love people, they will be different, and you will know that this is the couple that I am telling you about when you meet them.  You will call me and tell me you have met them, and I will come to America and meet them for myself.

This pastor then flew to America and came to our home within weeks of John, our Rwandan friend, delivering the message that he had indeed met the couple, that the pastor had told him about over 10 years ago.

We have these friends who are missionaries in Costa Rica, with 10 kids.  The husband wrote me a letter this summer, after reading my first Rwanda letter, and basically prophesied to me that we would go and possibly struggle there, maybe even more than we have here, and that the trials here have been to prepare us for life there in Africa.  But that we would have a major impact in Africa and that it was about more than just me and the kids loving the orphans.

He said that David had Kingdom business there and even “business” in the natural.  When I read his letter, these were completely new thoughts for me, but bore such a strong witness with me that I knew this was God speaking to me.  Lo and behold – 2 months after I received this letter, and after the man comes from Rwanda to meet us here in our home, David admits this all to me and that he has known of his call to Africa since before he even met me!

When we first met and I shared this part of my heart with David, it just confirmed to him another element of our lives together.

David has never shared these prophecies about Africa or what he has held in his heart about Africa to anyone, not even this friend of ours from Costa Rica.

This very week we were prophesied in depth to, from a complete stranger who so confirmed everything.  He even talked about the things God put in our hearts in our youth that haven’t happened and how they will very soon launch forth.

He said that in the next 2 years, we will find ourselves in a completely different place.  And that all the adversity we have walked through was to prepare us for what we are about to walk into in the next 2 years.  He said many things that so encouraged our hearts and reminded us how completely in control our Father is and how much He is for us!

He even talked about how adamantly David “waits” on God, rather than getting ahead of him as so many “half-baked preachers” do (as he called them) and how pleased God is with how patiently David waits on the Father.

So, now I know, without a question – We are going to Africa! And I sit…passionately and patiently waiting.  It could be next month, next year, or even longer.  But I know this is Father God’s plan, and He will bring it to fruition when the time is perfect.

David feels called to Africa as a continent, and sees Rwanda as a possible open door.

We know how much money we need to make that first exploratory trip.  When that comes together, we will go!  Until then…we will wait, prepare, and continue to learn.  Please pray for us and only for the perfect will of God in this massive move of our lives.