THRIVING Article

This is an article I wrote over 10 years ago.  I must admit – I had money then and I don’t now.  But the Truths still stand and the ideas that cost money can be creatively compromised.

Thriving – As a Wife and Mother

Is it possible to thrive, even in your heart and soul, as a mother and wife in today’s times?  Emphatically, Yes! -If we maintain certain attitudes and remember some basics.

Everyday, at least once, someone asks me, “How do you do it?” I presume that means ‘how do you maintain sanity, much less peace and joy, with your “load”?’  I have six children (that was then, now 10), home school them and manage a ministry of hospitality out of our home.  And I love life!  Not because I am “Susie-homemaker,” but because my Heavenly Father has imparted to me some ‘basics of thriving.’

When asked the question, “How do you do it,” I always responded:
1) “It is the grace of God,”
2) “The joy of the Lord is my strength!”

Well, recently I realized these two factors make me 90% of whom I am.  But there is a third dimension and that is what I’ve learned to do to take care of myself and the nurturing of my own well-being.

Regressing momentarily, I must elaborate on the first two points, since that is what primarily enables me to excel beyond my own limitations.

Number 1: Never take for granted the grace of God in your life. One of my favorite scriptures is: “In our weakness, Christ’s strength will be perfected!” (2 Cor. 12:9)

Rather than be threatened or limited by my own weakness, I have learned to fully embrace my weaknesses and admit them to my Father – acknowledging my limitations, looking to Him immediately to “come through” with His strength.

Such as when I run out of peace and patience, and the day is far from over I simply say, “Lord, this is it. This is all I’ve got, and as far as I can go.

You must take over in me and give me that love that You have commanded me to walk in!” And then, like Superman swooping down with a blanket of love, peace, or patience – He faithfully comes through!
Because He thrives on proving to you His perfect strength in your weakness.  On a scale of 1-10, you and God together are a 10!  On the days that you are only a 2, He will be an 8 for you, if you let Him! And when you are a 9, He will still come through for that last little bit that you need, if you only call on Him– He is so good!

The second most important ingredient to inner success is joy. For when you have joy, all of life seems good.  And when you don’t, everything is a burden.  You know what I am talking about, don’t you?

The Bible says “The joy of the Lord is your strength.’ When you lose your joy, you literally lose the strength you need to perform the basics.

The greatest way I know to maintain joy is through a grateful heart. Singing helps me – I constantly sing when I am not conversing, especially praise and worship songs, which continually remind me of the greatness of our God and feeds one’s spirit.

You have heard it so often now it almost seems trite, but it’s so key….Always be ever mindful of how truly blessed you are. Focus consciously on all the little and big ways that you are so blessed. Learn to delight yourself in your children, rather than always letting them ‘zap’ your energy.

Watch them and look for the special, precious, unique ways about each one and let that delight you and literally fill your soul with joy.

During my last pregnancy, as with most of them, I was so exhausted all the time that I could barely get off the couch. Anybody relate? Instead of feeling guilty about it, I decided I would 1) let my children step up to new levels of responsibility – which is only beneficial, and 2) I would simply lay there and really watch them, and truly delight in and feed my soul on all their sweet little ways that I do not take the time to notice when I’m being so efficient and productive.

And now for my third piece of the pie.  I have learned how critical it is to take care of myself, nurturing myself, even occasional pampering if you will.

Let me explain. I have always believed that in laying down your life, you will truly find it. Our greatest joys truly come in serving others. But in order to do that, we must love our husbands and children, or whomever God has placed in our lives, so much that we refuse to allow ourselves to remain a worn out, whipped rag – just for their benefit.

I say remain because we all struggle with the perils of exhaustion quite regularly. Don’t be discouraged by that – it is par for the territory of motherhood.

But we must do what it takes to REFILL our cups continually. Women tend to get the idea that it is most noble to spend one’s self until there is nothing left.

Well, that self-sacrifice is good if we are only running a sprint. But if we are in for the long haul, we must learn how to replenish ourselves.  In order to be what those dependent on us need, we must work to maintain a “full cup” in ourselves.

We all know the obvious things, granted that is hard enough to do.  Time connecting with the Lord, plenty of sleep, exercise, better nutrition, etc., but what about those things that feed our soul, refresh us and perk us up – just making us feel better overall and enabling us to like our life and all that it presents to us.

It is so important to have fun together as a family – special trips, family nights or even just sitting around the kitchen talking and laughing together.

Trips alone with your spouse should be mandatory – 2 to 3 times a year, even if it’s only 36 hours at a local hotel.  Of course, that would include the nursing baby, if you have one.  We have taken each one of our babies alone on trips – it’s wonderful bonding time away from the routine demands of life.

I also highly recommend a trip alone, every six months or so to a local hotel or B&B.  One or two days away to sleep, read, pray and regroup will make you a completely new woman. You will come home so refreshed and ready to be all you need to be for your family again.

Some of you may struggle with the next part as too ‘old-fashioned’, but it is an issue that must be addressed.  I have seen marriages break up over this one.  Your husband should always be treasured as your ‘biggest baby’ of all!

The children will come and go, but hopefully he is there forever.  Talk about nurturing for the long haul! Never neglect to nurture him. You must always remember that he matters more than all the other activities that you do.

1st Cor. 7:11 tells us that man was created for the glory of God, but woman was created for the glory of man (pretty heavy truth, ladies).

Proverbs 31:12 says, “She will comfort, encourage and do him only good all the days of her life.” Tall order!  I’m still working hard on that one ladies, believe me.

Almost nothing will feed your soul as much as a thriving relationship with your husband.  And I must tell you, one of the biggest inhibitors to that is a critical perspective toward him.

He will never be the best of all your best friends’ husbands put together. You may have struggled extensively with how little you have managed to change him, since marrying him.

Truth is, that’s really not your job.  Your job is to love him. There is such a security and satisfaction when you choose to accept each other, just the way you are – for better or for worse – extremely imperfect.

And by you choosing to do that you will find it cultivates the spirit of unconditional love in your marriage and it work both ways.

And now for some very practical ideas to stimulate your own thinking on things you can do for yourself.

Massages are wonderful and are a regular part of our family’s health maintenance. As good as massages feel, they are equally as good for you. They have tremendous physical and emotional benefits.

Chiropractic care can do wonders to “straighten things up” that cause more problems than you may realize. Crooked spines are big-time responsible for the majority of headaches, backaches and other tensions that you put up with daily.

Facials, manicures, pedicures, and new hairstyles can all give one a major lift.  Clothes of natural fibers can make one feel so comfortable. Every season you should have a couple of garments that feel so good they comfort your soul just to slip into.

Long phone calls to your best friends, after the kids are down, across the globe or even across town can do wonders.

Speaking of the children, do them a favor and put them to bed at a decent time, so that they are properly rested, which makes for happier, healthier children and parents.

After they go to bed you should have an hour to yourself to do what you need to do – mail, phone calls, then a much-needed bubble bath a few times a week!

If you add 2 cups of pure apple cider vinegar to a hot bath and soak about 20 minutes, it will chemically take the toxins from your body that cause physical aches and pains.

Your body will not retain the odor of the cider vinegar.  You don’t even have to rinse it off, and by the way it will cause your skin to be extra silky.

The achy exhaustion we are all too familiar with at the day’s end drains with the bath water and you simply feel sleepy.  And will you sleep well!  Add bubbles and a candle or two and maybe even a glass of wine. One or two glasses a week will do almost everybody good.

And then when you get into bed you should have a “comfort drawer” next to your bed – filled with the sweet things that minister to your soul when you even open it.

Candles, cards, a few chocolates, aromatic sachets, special souvenirs from a treasured memory, little love gifts made by your children, a love note from your husband.

Open it and indulge yourself as you read your Bible, poetry or anything inspirational that puts your heart in the right places.

Another fun thing for your soul can be decorating.  Occasionally, pick up little things, or even bigger things as money allows, that add sweet touches to your home. You will find that they give the whole family a lift.

Oh, and never forget to lavishly enjoy life’s freest gifts: the sunsets or sunrises, depending on your life style; flowers, birds singing, walks in the parks, music, children’s laughter or cuddling a baby. Allow these moments to wash over you at every opportunity, literally permeating your body with peace and joy that feeds health and life to your body.

One more practical tip along these lines – is deep breathing exercises as you are going to sleep.  As you lie on your pillow at night, right before you go to sleep, take about 10 of the deepest breaths your body can handle.

As you exhale – consciously let go of stress, anger, resentment, disappointment and hurt.  As you inhale – breathe in Jesus, peace, love and forgiveness.  You choose each day what needs to go out and what needs to come into your being.  That way all that unhealthy residue of the day does not lock up in your body to do it’s damage as you sleep.

I am not encouraging you to simply indulge yourself, for indulgence sake.  But to think about little and big things, low budget or no budget things, that feed your soul and make it fuller, in order that you may have more to give those you love.

The fuller that You are, the more the Lord can use you for His purposes.

And now, I want to share my final and biggest way of maintaining my own sanity and wholeness.  And this is just to those of you who are married.  It is not love making – though that is another, yes indeed.

But it is the hour I spend at the end of my day regrouping with my husband.  It falls around midnight for us and we do this at least 6 days a week, even when he is on the road we talk on the phone.

Get on the same wavelength with each other about every significant thing in each other’s heart and day. This isn’t a dump session, though unfortunately it must be sometimes. But it is sharing our hearts and mind. We talk about who we each talked to that day.  The children, home schooling, the job, dreams, visions, ideas, politics, Rush Limbaugh, philosophy, theology, new developing understandings of God and life itself, far out thoughts, and all that we are.

Because then, in coming face to face with who we really are – for better and for worse – and who our spouse is, together we present it all to Father God to do with as He wishes, and as only He can.

Not fighting or resisting reality, but fully embracing our authentic selves, which always brings freedom and richness.

You must choose to embrace life and every inch of it as fully and positively as you can, that you might live it as richly and truly as God intended for you to live it!

Copyright 1998

Toni Lee Fowler